Amber Version 2.0

You know how everyone is always all gang busters about the "newest version" of something.  Constantly upgrading, downloading the newest and best.......Well, truth be told I am sort of a hesitant "upgrader" (if that is actually a word).  

I get sort of attached to the programs I use or versions of things that I know and love.  

I have anxiety about taking a chance on something new.  

What if I don't like it? 

What if I can't figure it out? 

What if it is too different? 

You get the idea. An upgrade is usually permanent because it is supposed to be better.  It just takes some getting used to.  

Well, welcome to Amber Version 2.0.  The new and improved and different and might take some time to get used to and love version of Amber 2.0.  There were lots of things that were probably bugs that could have been fixed in Version 1.0 of Amber, but I don't readily welcome change, remember!? Cue cancer and chemo and an upgrade was pretty much forced on us.  

Seriously though, I am having a really hard time "upgrading".  In fact, it doesn't really feel like an upgrade to me.  At all.  I sorta liked version 1.0, even with all it's flaws.  

I was used to it. 

It was comfortable. 

It was pretty darn great - minus the cancer. 

The most recent changes to this 2.0 upgrade have included some things that are physically frustrating.  

My body is doing a lot of things right now -- and fighting lame cancer cells is no cakewalk.  I know I should just be loving my body for all the good things it is doing, but why did version 2.0 have to come with constant nausea and sleeplessness and headaches and fevers that send you to the ER for hours and hours and horrible neuropathy and a constant dripping nose and thinning hair that I am really struggling with feeling cute with and steroids that make you gain weight (like 15 pounds people). I weigh as much now as I did when I was like 7.5 months pregnant with Tess -- which I know is not a lot, but it isn't the version of me that I know and love, so just bear with me while I tell you that it is hard.  It is hard to not be able to go back to version 1.0.  It is hard to accept changes that you just don't want. In the end I know that Version 2.0 is better, but it is going to take some navigating to get used to it.  I'm not loving this new version very much -- I mean some of the changes snuck their way into version 1.0, kind of like a trial run, but some of them like the weight gain and permanent neuropathy -- ya they are a little more recent.  So, you guys I am just saying. DO NOT UPGRADE TO VERSION 2.0 if you don't have to.  

So, I told the oncolgist today during our little heart to heart   my appointment that I would write "embrace version 2.0" on my bathroom mirror.  He sorta liked that idea and wondered what else I frequently wrote on my bathroom mirror, but I didn't give him all my self incriminating details that make me look way more fragile than necessary.  

 Chemo Chair Self #14

So, here it is.  A picture of myself, unattractive as I feel, pump attached. 

Round #14 is in the works and I'm working on trying to love this version of me.  The Amber on Chemo version of me. The new permanent 2.0

Speaking of upgrades.  Check out this DIY bathroom upgrade I am in the process of completing.  Spray painted my countertops and painted my cupboards.  Pretty happy with how it turned out.  I still need to caulk, paint the walls and hang up new fixtures but I am loving the lack of oak.....and the shiny countertops.  All for under $50.  I call that an upgrade I can get behind.  

I wonder when version 2.5 or 3.0 will come out?