Endings and New Beginnings

I've been trying for days to think of a clever or funny way to post about what has been going on.  

I've got nothing. 

I don't know if that is because there is a limit on how funny a person can be and I have reached my limit or if it is because I am so tired I could literally collapse or because it is Christmas time or because I am just avoiding reality or what.  

Well let's be honest.  It is probably a combination of all of those things but 99% of it is that I am avoiding reality. 

Reality isn't looking so hot right now.  

Here is the reality.  

When I was diagnosed a year and a half ago I was told that there were two drug combinations that would keep me alive.  

Here is a picture of the whiteboard from that cold, yucky day in the oncologist office back in August of 2016.  

You can see the drugs listed and then the "months" of life that they were projected to give me.  We went over this whiteboard with the doctor like it was looking as normal as ever to be told you had 24-28 months to live.  So weird to think about that.....and also I don't have the KRAS gene, so the last 4 months of my life got wiped out with a simple genetic test.  I also don't genetically qualify for any of the new trial drugs out.  (sounds kind of discouraging right? I know.  That is why I don't think about it much).  

FOLFOX and FOLFIRI 

For you druggies here is the breakdown of the details: 

Drugs in the FOLFOX combination: 

FOL	= Leucovorin Calcium (Folinic Acid)
F	= Fluorouracil
OX	= Oxaliplatin

The drug that I had a reaction to was the Oxaliplatin.  Really Oxaliplain is sort of straight from the devil anyway and has caused me lots of pain and cold sensitivity and numbness in my fingers and toes....so it isn't like I am really that sad to say goodbye.  

The new drug regimen that they will start me on is the Folfiri: 

Drugs in the FOLFIRI combination:

FOL	= Leucovorin Calcium (Folinic Acid)
F	= Fluorouracil
IRI	= Irinotecan Hydrochloride

So, see the only real difference is the oxaliplatin is replaced by the irinotecan.  No biggie right? It's like taking Advil instead of Tylenol.  Not really.  If I have learned anything it is the chemo drugs are a beast and they are all pretty unique in their attack and also their effectiveness but also in their potential side effects.  I don't know what the side effects will be that target my body.  (I mean potentially it could be week long bouts of diarrhea and stomach cramping and total hair loss, but who knows -- I am hoping google is wrong). 

The unknown is the worst.  

Well, what is really the worst is this:  

I was told there were two drug combos that would keep me alive.

 

and

We are done with one of them.

The great part is that: 

I lasted way longer on Folfox than was expected.  Like double the amount of time. I like to defy the odds like that.  I mean even the fact that I got cancer, without having any family history or indicators or high risk factors shows that I like to just do things a different way. 

So here is to defying the odds.  Starting December 27th we are going to hopefully buy ourselves a lot more than just a matter of months.  

And also, I am going to try to be better at blogging in 2018.  

And I will get back to being funny.  

It really is what I do best.  

There just isn't anything funny about this particular issue.  

Unless you think me without hair will be funny, because then maybe it could be.  

Thanks for your continued prayers, love and support.  

I truly believe that is what has helped me last this long, not chemo drugs.  

and for those of you who didn't get a Christmas card.  

Here is your love sent via the blog.