Delayed

Have you ever been delayed?
Maybe on a flight, or because of bad traffic on the road. Delayed
Maybe when your kids can't find their shoes that are right on the floor in front of their faces and you are late to an appointment.  Delayed.
Maybe when you are actually at the appointment and have to wait and wait and wait.  Delayed.
Maybe when you are making dinner and that one ingredient you thought you had, you don't have and now you have to go to the store to get it and dinner won't be ready on time.  Delayed.
Maybe when you are painting a piece of furniture and you realize you need another coat of paint to finish it and there is a storm coming and you should have just started the project in your garage to begin with -- I mean you do live in Oregon -- and so you have to spend all your painting time trying to put up a canopy since the project is too wet to move.....and then by the time the canopy is up it is dry enough to move to the garage.  Delayed.

That's how I feel.
Delayed.

Especially right now.

This week I was all set and ready to do my 5th round of chemo.
Met up with my cousin, Heather, who was so kind to take care of Tess while I went for treatment.
Checked in at my appointment.
Got my blood drawn.
Got on the scale (117.2 pounds friends....that's the highest I've been in months.  I am giving full credit to the halloween candy I confiscated out of Tess' halloween treats ate.  For the record miniature snickers bars are pretty much delicious).
Had my temperature taken, and blood pressure and then waited for the doctor.
-- thankfully this office is fantastic and I rarely have to wait more than like 5 minutes to see my doctor--
He came in and complimented me on my haircut and then asked how I was.
I may have, holding back my tears the best I could, replied with: "tired and worn down....I'm so tired!"
He listened to me and said: "I think it might be time for a break. You don't sound so hot."
After he did a little examination and checked out my bloodwork it was determined that my white blood cell count was too low and that I had a bronchial infection.....turning into bronchitis.

I feel delayed.
Again.
So, here I am, at home, without my pump -- don't miss her at all -- with an antibiotic and the command to get some rest and enjoy a week off.  Another week longer I have to wait until I get any answers about what is going on or if the chemo is effective.

I already feel like my life is sort of on hold every other week (when I do treatments).
I am delayed from doing a lot of the things I want to do.
I am delayed from waking up in the early morning and starting my day with a nice run because my body is so tired I sometimes don't even put on pants until long after the girls are gone to school.  
(In case you were wondering I have NEVER driven them to school without pants on, but I have answered the door to my sister-in-law picking them up for school without my pants.  Good thing she loves me, even in my underwear. No shame friends)
I am delayed from traveling when and where I would like.
I am delayed from being able to spend time with my kids like I want to.  I have at least 3-4 days every two weeks that I am not even available or able to pick them up from school.  Not fun.
I am delayed from reading.  Not because I have lost the ability to read, but because I have lost the ability to focus.  Seriously. (I am currently trying to listen to books but then I usually fall asleep). :)
I am delayed from projects and sewing and just stuff in general.

However, I guess being delayed can have it's positive side too.
Once when a flight I was taking was delayed  I ended up with a voucher for a free flight and got take an extra trip to visit a friend at another time.
Once when I was delayed on the road, in a snowstorm in Utah, I got to sit in the silence and talk to my grandma for over an hour.  A conversation I will always remember.
Being delayed and having chemo has it's plus sides.
Though delayed, I am actually probably spending more quality time with my family, even if it isn't in the quantities I would like it to be.
Though delayed and unable to travel, I have friends and family come to me from near and far.  Seriously, I have a friend coming from Japan in a couple of weeks for Thanksgiving.
Though delayed from a lot of things I would like to do I am shifting my priorities and realizing what really matters.

So next time you feel stuck or delayed, take a few minutes to think about what you are able to do, even though delayed.