Tired

Here's the thing you guys:  

I am tired.  

So, so tired. 

ALL. THE. TIME.  

I didn't know it was possible to be this tired.

I grew up in a home with the energizer bunny.
Seriously, my mom NEVER stops.
So, clearly, I have always been the same way.

If there is something to get done I stay up late and do it, and then of course I still get up early and workout and shower before walking to school with the girls.  That was my past life.  Not the one I am living now.

The one I am living now, is one where I drag myself out of bed as Tess pokes my eyeballs and says "Up, mom....up mom....sun up....up mom." (Mind you it is usually between 5:30-6:30 am when she is doing this). And if I don't get up then I am woken up by her "helping" to make pancakes or maybe even the sound of the blender and her voice shouting "Frozen berry mom, Frozen berry!!" as she makes herself a smoothie.  *Can someone please tell me why I thought it was a good idea to get a bottom freezer drawer thingy that Tess can easily navigate/get herself frozen treats out of at all hours of the day and night!?  Oh and in case you get the wrong idea about me making breakfast all the time, don't.  Tess just loves making/eating pancakes (and syrup, mostly pouring syrup all over the place) and shouting "UPRISE" to the older girls when they wake up to an actual homemade breakfast.

Even just typing that makes me tired.  

That face in the picture, the one with flour all over it.  She makes me tired too.  

But mostly, it is the chemo that makes me tired.  

And whatever else it is that my body is doing or not doing right now. 

I am so tired.  

Is there a tired that is more tired than dead tired? Because if there is, that is what I am.  

Here is a short list of things that make me tired.  

Everything. 

including but not excluding: 

Everything.  

Seriously, I can't think of something that doesn't make me tired.  

Oh, wait, yes I can: 

Steroids.  

Steroids make it so that you cannot sleep, which I guess is technically different than being tired, but when you are tired and you can't sleep it just makes you that much more tired if there is in fact a way to be more tired than I actually am.  

Which is why I nap with Tess pretty much every single day. 

For Real. 

And I guess that is the silver lining.  

I get to take a nap with her and it is like our time together.  

She says "nap, nap mom" and rubs my arm as she falls asleep.  

It's charming. 

Her tantrums before the nap. 

Not so charming, but I get it. 

She's tired. 

I would like to throw a tantrum like that sometimes too. 

Thanks for reading my tantrum. 

Time for a nap. 

(and to think that my mother-in-law has Tess right now so I could do something fun and all I want to do is sleep.....for a very long time).