Love and guts and.....

  a little bit of reminiscing about the word "butt" to get us started today.......

Remember when you are a little kid and saying the word "butt" is like the funniest thing ever.
Truly.  You think  you are so funny.
If you hear the word butt it is even funnier.
And then you try and convince your mom that you weren't actually saying "butt" you were saying "but" the one with only one T, which is totally different.

Well, at least that is the way that I was raised.  We didn't say "butt" we said bum or bottom.
That's all sort of gone out the window here now -- sorry mom.

Remember when you were teaching school and your principal you worked for (when single of course) tried to line you up with the male substitute teacher, but he and the custodian couldn't actually get through their tears of laughter because his name was Mr. Butts and they were just like children themselves and really wanted you to marry him (before you had even been on a date with him) all because who doesn't want to have a teacher with the name Mrs. Butts teaching at their school -- first grade nonetheless. Oh the immaturity of children and grown men.  Some things never change.  

Remember when you got a cancer and now all you ever talk about is your butt or your gut and how it is feeling?

Well, our new motto here is:

 "Love and guts and kick cancers butt" 

I know it doesn't really rhyme, but it's catchy, and it has the word butt so everyone will love it, right?

Note to my mom: you can say, Love and guts and kick cancers bum if you are more comfortable with that.  (which I know you will be since you have NEVER said a swear word in your life, let alone a word like butt -- seriously) 

I just returned my pump today.  All done with that baby for another 12 days.  Not gonna miss her.  My old college roommate Emily got to pick the name for the pump and decided on "Brunhilda" because it was the option that made her laugh out loud and in her own words "what name better says I'm uglier than your dog, but you sure want me by your side at that 7-11 you were stupid enough to go to." (we may have on a girls weekend gone to THE scariest 7-11 ever to be found....in my mini-van. with Tess, in Seattle at some late hour, to get a redbox.

So, Brunhilda it is.  She is pretty ugly and I am glad to be rid of her for a while.

She has left behind some side effects, which started right away.

#1: Fatigue:  Not like, "Oh I'm a little tired." we are talking about hit by a Mac truck sort of tired.  The kind of tired where you get out of bed and wonder if you will even make it to the bathroom tired.  Which brings us to
#2:  Time spent in the bathroom:  This is the nice way of saying, that the bathroom and I are friends.  Remember, all that butt talk.  Yep, here it is.  I have Diarrhea and I'm talking about it on a public blog.  Don't get cancer you guys, it is lame and then you talk about your poop.
#3: Nausea:  This is yucky.  It's like being pregnant only knowing you aren't having a baby ever.  It's like constantly feeling like you might puke.  Anti-Nausea drugs are my new best friend.  Well, inanimate best friend.  
#4: Lack of Appetite: I don't want to eat.  Ever.  I do eat because I don't want to be tube fed.  It's a fine line I'm walking trying to stay above 110 pounds.
#5 COLD: Every time I take a drink of even semi-cold water it is like ice shards in my throat.  Not cool.

However, with the negative side-effects have also come some positive ones.

#1:  Friends: Seriously, I cannot even begin to tell you how many of you have come out of the woodwork to support us -- where does that phrase come out of the woodwork even come from.  Weird.  But woodwork it is -- and it is a fine woven grain of beauty -- the number of you who have sent packages, brought meals, sent cards, taken my children to practices, rehearsals and school, lent a listening ear on the phone, let me cry and comforted me, and most importantly prayed and pleaded for us to a loving Heavenly Father is beyond my comprehension to understand.

#2 Family: Those of you who are reading this from the Ostler family know just how amazing we all are -- I mean, not to boast or anything but awesome does not even begin to describe us.  :) But you all should know that I married into an amazing family -- and when I became a Bell I got some of the best.  We are sealed for eternity and that makes everything okay (sometimes).  The girls have a constant support team of cousins and grandparents and an aunt and uncle who live right down the road and would drop everything for them.  Words can't fully express.

#3 Faith:  This one is still a little bit tricky for me, but in adversity comes strength and to tap into that strength I have had to draw on the resources of my faith -- my faith in a plan that is bigger than my own.  My faith that the Lord really does know and love me.  My faith that prayers are answered and help comes when we need it.  My faith is growing and struggling and hopefully more growing.

So here's to all the "Love and Guts and kicking cancer's butt."  Literally.