Do I really have to learn something?
You know when your kids do something really stupid, or something happens to them and you think: "Well I sure hope they will learn from this!" I wish I had never had that thought now, ever in my life.
Because really, does there have to be something learned from every experience in life? Or do we have to find a lesson in every experience? (this is a rhetorical question, I obviously know the answer to it)
I am sorta done learning lessons for a minute or two.
I would like to stop learning and stop experiencing because this is pretty hard,
I can think of one zillion things I could learn from going through these experiences, but can kind of sum it up in just a few short sentences:
What I have learned, the cliffs notes version*
Physically I have learned that I am not that strong.
Mentally I have learned that I am not that strong
Emotionally I have learned that I am not that strong.
Spiritually I have learned that I am not that strong.
or at least it feels that way.
However I have also learned that
Physically when I think I can't last one minute longer, someone comes in to pick me up.
Mentally when I have gone to a dark, scary place I will get a message or or visit from a friend or family member, snapping me out of it and helping me to regain stability.
Emotionally when I am a basket of tears and sadness there is someone else there willing to cry with me or at least hold my hand or rub my back while I work through the tears.
Spiritually I have found strength in friends who have sought their own spiritual strength in my own faith, which they don't even share.
So, I guess there are lessons to be learned and lots more to come.
Here's to learning.
*speaking of Cliffs Notes do you guys remember in high school reading the Cliffs Notes version of things when you just couldn't quite make it through all of the 700 page novel you were supposed to read. I did that once (I think it was with Uncle Toms Cabin) and then felt so guilty that I wrote a letter to my English teacher confessing and apologizing -- the letter was probably longer than the paper that I had to write about the book. I'm sure she laughed. And I, learned that I can't lie and have a really active conscience.
Because really, does there have to be something learned from every experience in life? Or do we have to find a lesson in every experience? (this is a rhetorical question, I obviously know the answer to it)
I am sorta done learning lessons for a minute or two.
I would like to stop learning and stop experiencing because this is pretty hard,
I can think of one zillion things I could learn from going through these experiences, but can kind of sum it up in just a few short sentences:
What I have learned, the cliffs notes version*
Physically I have learned that I am not that strong.
Mentally I have learned that I am not that strong
Emotionally I have learned that I am not that strong.
Spiritually I have learned that I am not that strong.
or at least it feels that way.
However I have also learned that
Physically when I think I can't last one minute longer, someone comes in to pick me up.
Mentally when I have gone to a dark, scary place I will get a message or or visit from a friend or family member, snapping me out of it and helping me to regain stability.
Emotionally when I am a basket of tears and sadness there is someone else there willing to cry with me or at least hold my hand or rub my back while I work through the tears.
Spiritually I have found strength in friends who have sought their own spiritual strength in my own faith, which they don't even share.
So, I guess there are lessons to be learned and lots more to come.
Here's to learning.
*speaking of Cliffs Notes do you guys remember in high school reading the Cliffs Notes version of things when you just couldn't quite make it through all of the 700 page novel you were supposed to read. I did that once (I think it was with Uncle Toms Cabin) and then felt so guilty that I wrote a letter to my English teacher confessing and apologizing -- the letter was probably longer than the paper that I had to write about the book. I'm sure she laughed. And I, learned that I can't lie and have a really active conscience.
You are awesome, Amber!!! Strength comes in many forms... some that are easily recognized are bulging muscles, crazy feats of endurance, mental tenacity, and resilient faith. But they aren't the only kind of strong. I see an amazingly strong person in someone who can "tell it like it is," who can share fears and insecurities, and, in spite of their misery and pain, can still seek to uplift others and put smiles on faces. You, Amber, are stronger than you know!! It is okay to not be okay with all that is going on. It's okay to hate what you're going through. Being strong doesn't mean you have to endure cancer with a smile on your face. Just keep being you. Keep going forward and take time to celebrate the small victories. Like reading a book to your cute girls. Hugs to you from Kelton! He is loving Junior High and is now 5'4". Oh, and he considers himself quite a handsome dude. ��❤❤❤
ReplyDeleteYou're so much stronger than you think you are. I can't possibly believe there is a perfect way to handle something like this while on the other hand all the feelings you've described make perfect sense.
ReplyDeleteSide note: Uncle Tom is one of my favorite books of all time:)